I need something to bring me out of this quick. I have done a great
deal of reasearch. Sub-anesthetic Ketamine seems to hold the most
promise but even in this city of medical schools and universities (St.
Louis), no one that I have found is using it yet.

Then only alternative I can think of is ECT.

I have read reports of temporary and permanent memory loss, and
amnesia. I have also read (and heard from a doctor yesterday) that the
memory loss and amnesia only lasts about a week.

I would like to hear from anyone who has undergone ECT and what the
experience was like for you.

Come Monday I will call the VA and request ECT.

I don't know what else to do.

I have never been depressed before, I am a 48 year old male.
 But I cannot go on like this.

I haven't even left my house in three weeks. All I do is stay in bed
except to eat. I have no energy and no feelings. I am not suicidal..
never entered my mind.

I am a photographer with tons of work always available.
People  depend on me and I can' teven  function. It's like I am
paralyzed.

I feel helpless.

Again I would like to hear from anyone who has benefitted (or not)
from ECT. How it is done and what to expect. ANY thoughts on
depression. It is a motherf*cker.

Much love and light,

Jon