>     *_These are actual comments made on students ' report cards by
>     teachers in the New York City _**_public school system_**_. All
>     teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)_*

>     *1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
>     started to dig.**

>     *2. I would not allow this student to breed.*

>     *3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.*

>     *4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.*

>     *5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
>     to achieve them.*

>     *6. The student has a ' full six-pack ' but lacks the plastic thing
>     to hold it all together.*

>     *7. This child has been working with glue too much.*

>     *8. When your daughter ' s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.*

>     *9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn '
>     t coming.*

>     *10. If this student were any more stupid, he ' d have to be watered
>     twice a week.*

>     *11. It ' s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child
>     beat out 1,000,000 others.*

>     *12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.**

>     *_Teachers aren ' t alone... These are actual comments made by 16
>     Police Officers._**_ _**_These comments were taken from actual
>     _**_police car_**_ videos around the country._**_
>     _*
>     *16. ' You know, stop lights don ' t come any redder than the one
>     you just went through. '**

>     *15. ' Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they ' re new. They '
>     ll stretch after you wear them a while. '*

>     *14. ' If you take your hands off the car, I ' ll make your *birth
>     certificate* a worthless document. '*

>     *13. ' If you run, you ' ll only go to jail tired. '*

>     *12. ' Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that '
>     s the speed of the bullet that ' ll be chasing you. '*

>     *11. ' You don ' t know how fast you were going? I guess that means
>     I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh? '*

>     *10. ' Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don ' t
>     think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I ' m the shift
>     supervisor? '*

>     *9. ' Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I ' m warning you not to do
>     that again or I ' ll give you another ticket. '*

>     *8. ' The answer to this last question will determine whether you
>     are drunk or not. Was *Mickey Mouse* a cat or a dog? '*

>     *7. ' Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
>     you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in
>     monkey poop. '*

>     *6. ' Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
>     toaster oven. '*

>     *5. ' In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC. '*

>     *4. ' How big were those ' two beers ' you say you had? '*

>     *3. ' No sir, we don ' t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we
>     ' re allowed to write as many tickets as we can. '*

>     *2. ' I ' m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal
>     friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail. '*

>     *
>     *_AND THE WINNER IS..._**_
>     _*

>     *1. ' You didn ' t think we give pretty women tickets? You ' re
>     right, we don ' t. Sign here. '*