>1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

>2. More often than not, when someone is telling
>me a story all I can think about is that I can't
>wait for them to finish so that I can tell my
>own story that's not only better, but also more
>directly involves me.

>3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an
>argument when you realize you're wrong.

>4. I don't understand the purpose of the line,
>"I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no
>one does. But why start a fire with flint and
>sticks when they've invented the lighter?

>5. Have you ever been walking down the street
>and realized that you're going in the complete
>opposite direction of where you are supposed to
>be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and
>walking back in the direction from which you
>came, you have to first do something like check
>your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture
>and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in
>the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by
>randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

>6. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on
>any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses
>begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

>7. I totally take back all those times I didn't
>want to nap when I was younger.

>8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in
>the "people you may know" feature on Facebook
>people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
>not to be friends with?

>9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing
>Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the
>cartridge out, blow in it and that would
>magically fix the problem. Every kid in America
>did that, but how did we all know how to fix the
>problem? There was no internet or message boards
>or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids
>are soft.

>10. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

>11. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched
>when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no
>idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw
>it.

>12. I think everyone has a movie that they love
>so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch
>it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90
>minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that
>everyone's laughing at the right parts, then
>making sure I laugh just a little bit harder
>(and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm
>still the only one who really, really gets it.

>13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

>14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic
>grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to
>bring my groceries in.

>15. I think part of a best friend's job should
>be to immediately clear your computer history if
>you die.

>16. The only time I look forward to a red light
>is when I'm trying to finish a text.

>17. A recent study has shown that playing beer
>pong contributes to the spread of mono and the
>flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

>18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

>19. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud"
>to "I have nothing else to say".

>20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

>21. Answering the same letter three times or
>more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely
>petrifying.

>22. My brother's Municipal League baseball team
>is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the
>guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
>about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you,
>and you hate us." Classy, bro.

>23. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart,
>but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not
>real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

>24. How many times is it appropriate to say
>"What?" before you just nod and smile because
>you still didn't hear what they said?

>25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an
>entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick
>from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
>brothers!

>26. Every time I have to spell a word over the
>phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly
>draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
>Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an
>attorney and said "Yes that's G as inŠ(10 second
>lapse)...ummmŠGoonies"

>27. What would happen if I hired two private
>investigators to follow each other?

>28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel
>in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid
>itŠthanks Mario Kart.

>29. MapQuest really needs to start their
>directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get
>out of my neighborhood.

>30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting
>if they told you how the person died.

>31. I find it hard to believe there are actually
>people who get in the shower first and THEN turn
>on the water.

>32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty.
>Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear
>them forever.

>33. I would like to officially coin the phrase
>'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to
>make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
>overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the
>swine flu last night."

>34. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

>35. Bad decisions make good stories.

>36. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I
>find out that their profile is public I feel
>like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the
>Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546
>pictures? Don't mind if I do!

>37. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

>38. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got
>together, their offspring would probably just be
>completely invisible.

>39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when
>the whole room has to go around and say their
>name and where they are from, I get so
>incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know
>where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problemŠ.

>40. You never know when it will strike, but
>there comes a moment at work when you've made up
>your mind that you just aren't doing anything
>productive for the rest of the day.

>41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever
>comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to
>restart my collection.

>42. There's no worse feeling than that
>millisecond you're sure you are going to die
>after leaning your chair back a little too far.

>43. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit
>out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any
>changes to my ten page research paper that I
>swear I did not make any changes to.

>44. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

>45. I hate being the one with the remote in a
>room full of people watching TV. There's so much
>pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge
>me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we
>weren't watching this. It's only a matter of
>time before they all get up and leave the room.
>Will we still be friends after this?'

>46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last
>ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I
>immediately call back, it rings nine times and
>goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't
>answer? Drop the phone and run away?

>47. I hate leaving my house confident and
>looking good and then not seeing anyone of
>importance the entire day. What a waste..

>48. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of
>mentioning something she hasn't already told me
>but that I have learned from some light internet
>stalking.

>49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except
>when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in
>every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

>50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like
>the optimal cruising speed for pedophilesŠ

>51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a
>pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what
>the mode of transportation, I always hate
>cyclists.

>52. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3
>consecutive times and still not know what time
>it is.

>53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

>54. I keep some people's phone numbers in my
>phone just so I know not to answer when they
>call.

>55. Even if I knew your social security number,
>I wouldn't know what to do with it.

>56. Even under ideal conditions people have
>trouble locating their car keys in a pocket,
>hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
>Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find
>and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in
>about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every
>timeŠ

>57. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the
>other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over
>a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

>58. It really p!sses me off when I want to read
>a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a
>video instead of text.

>59. I wonder if cops ever get p!ssed off at the
>fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the
>speed limit.

>60. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.