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“It ain’t about how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.” Under the very same circumstances, why do some people fall apart and spend months trying to stand up again, but others are resilient, and recover and keep moving forward? Why do some regard stress as a motivator that pushes them climb higher, but others are beaten down by stressors?
A 7-mechanism model of resilience that aims to offer a comprehensive picture of a state of personal functioning and resilience, which leads us to optimal performance with manageable stress. The 7 components can be categorized into three parts:
A) Inner Self Mechanism Envisioning external conditions alone cannot ensure happiness, says Mattieu Richard in his book Happiness (p. 34). When we focus too much on external conditions, we ignore our inner self – our body, our meditative state and our cognition, which determine the very quality of our resilience.
1) Physical Mechanism – Exercise, rest, and food
2) Mind Mechanism – Meditation and mind relaxation
To stop the clutter, noise and “traffic” in your mind during adverse times, you need to control your flow of thoughts and your brain waves. Meditation (but not sleeping) does just that, according to Grossman and colleagues (2004). You may think that a vacation can do just the same, but it is not unusual when we are sitting on a beach or walking in the hills, and suddenly some worry or concern pops up in our mind and re-emerges in our head. By developing the skills and power to relax and clear your mind, you gain peace mentally and emotionally, and probably more than that.
3) Cognitive Mechanism – Positive and long-term perspectives Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Practice what you want to be and see clearly what you want for your future, in a positive way. Sometimes we are hoodwinked by problems at present and forget our longer term goals and dreams. One organizational study in Harvard Business Review nonetheless found visualizing and imagining the sense of long-term accomplishment and overcoming problems helps us better deal with changes and stress (Strebel, 1996). Athletes practice this all the time. Tiger Woods will visualize the ball going into the hole, and Larry Bird will imagine the basketball going into the net from the three point line. With patience and a larger and long-term viewpoint, we know we exist in spiraling cycles of blessings and pain, and resilience people often see challenges are temporal and the best as yet to come.
B.) Relationship Mechanism “Those whom we support hold us up in life,” said Marie Ebner von Eschenbach. No one wants to fight alone during hard times, nor can we keep battling on our own. We receive social support from all kinds of relationship with other people, and we learn to give in return. We come to build up a relationship to ourselves. All these fortify our psychological capacity, as well as our resilience when facing challenges.
4) Taking Mechansim
5) Giving Mechansim You can’t be tough and resilient if you keep receiving but never give. Peterson and Seligman identified in the 24 VIA Strengths “Love and Be Loved” as a virtue, and note that this is not the strength of “Be Loved” by itself. Successful leaders with high resilience are found to be more aware of others, understanding and empathetic, according to Daniel Goleman (Goleman et. al, 2002). Try to consciously and willingly open our hearts to another’s difficulties and experiences, with a deep desire for connection and relationship. It will help us build close relationships with others, and could end up enhancing our self esteem and courage to overcome barriers as well. True compassion comes when we use such empathy for others to fuel our motivation to help others in return: “People who help others are happier than those who don’t”.
6) Self-Relationship Mechanism In addition to building close relationships with others, it is important to build good relationships with yourself. Most people are often too harsh on themselves: being overly critical to themselves, or overly indulging in their wrong doings and weakness while being blindfolded to their strengths or things they did great. Instead of treating yourself as your biggest enemy, building a relationship with yourself helps you get through in tough times. This can be done in three steps. First, develop awareness, understand and acceptance of yourself – to know your strength and weakness. Second, develop respect and appreciation of yourself (such as taking the VIA strengths assessment) – to give yourself encouragement, patience and unconditional support. Third, develop a fair treatment to yourself, - to forgive yourself when you make mistakes, reward yourself when you do well and, if you do not like what you do or the way you are, change it with compassion and understanding as how you do to others. C) Method
7) Habit Mechansim The final component of the model is habit. Tal Ben-Shahar cited a quote from John Dryden: “We first make our habits, and then our habits make us” in his book Happier. I use this concept to conclude the model of resilience as once the above components became your habit, they can boost your resilience. When these mechanisms become our habits, they become something unconscious in our mind and we automatically have the power and persistence to react to various nasty stress and challenges. If you make the earlier six mechanisms your daily practice (and not only pick them up under stress), then they become a habit just like brushing your teeth or taking a shower.
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