Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having
compassion for others. Think about what the experience of compassion
feels like. First, to have compassion for others you must notice that
they are suffering. If you ignore that homeless person on the street,
you can’t feel compassion for how difficult his or her experience is.
Second, compassion involves feeling moved by others' suffering so that
your heart responds to their pain (the word compassion literally means
to “suffer with”). When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring, and the
desire to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion
also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others when
they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly.
Finally, when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity),
it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is
part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.”
Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you
are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like
about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper
lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult
right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?
Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various
inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and
understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who
ever said you were supposed to be perfect? You may try to change in
ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done
because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or
unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion
for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things
will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter
frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up
against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the
human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your
heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the
more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your
fellow humans in the experience of life.
[mailto:blue-hat-project@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of hagai loyewski Sent: Sunday, 19 October 2008 11:06 PM To: blue-hat-project@googlegroups.com Subject: Re: What is self compassion???
On Fri, Oct 17, 2008 at 3:07 PM, <thebluehatproj...@gmail.com> wrote:
Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Think about what the experience of compassion feels like. First, to have compassion for others you must notice that they are suffering. If you ignore that homeless person on the street, you can't feel compassion for how difficult his or her experience is. Second, compassion involves feeling moved by others' suffering so that your heart responds to their pain (the word compassion literally means to "suffer with"). When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Finally, when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity), it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. "There but for fortune go I."
Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don't like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a "stiff upper lip" mentality, you stop to tell yourself "this is really difficult right now," how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings - after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.<br
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