Message from discussion INTERESTING >>> 2019

From: "SHOES THROWER" <blondes_gaulloi...@yahoo.com>
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Subject: INTERESTING >>> 2019
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.... and one of results in all so called "modern western countries" is:

http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/stories_andrew.html
In loving memory of Andrew T. Renouf
May he rest In peace

Andrew T. Renouf committed suicide on or about October 17, 1995 because he
had 100% of his wages taken by the Family Responsibility Office, an agency
of the Government of Ontario, Canada. He asked for assistance for food and
shelter from the welfare office and was refused because he had a job, even
though all of his wages were taken by the Family Responsibility Office. Andy
was a loving father that hadn't seen his daughter in 4 years.

A memorial service was held in October, 1998, for Andy in front of the
Family Responsibility Office at 1201 Wilson Avenue, West Tower, Toronto,
Ontario, Canada. This is in the Ministry of Transportation grounds in the
Keele St. & Hwy 401 area. All members of the Ontario Legislature were
invited by personal letter faxed to their offices. Not one turned up. The
Director of the Family Responsibility Office and his entire staff were
invited to the brief service. The Director refused and wouldn't let the
staff attend the service although it was scheduled for lunch time. There was
a peaceful demonstration by followed by a very touching service by The
Reverend Alan Stewart. The text of the service will soon be able to be read
below.

Although the memorial service was not well publicized, a small group
attended with 84 letters and emails of support from groups across Canada and
the United States. The service made the TV evening news.

It was Andy's last wish that his story be told to all.

An annual memorial service is planned for October 17th.



Suicide Letter of Andrew Renouf
www.fact.on.ca/renouf/r_letter.htm

Note: The Family Responsibility Office was formerly the Family Support Plan

A.T. Renouf
16-October-1995

To Whom It May Concern

Last friday (13-October) my bank account was garnisheed. I was left with a
total of $00.43 in the bank.

At this time I have rent and bill's to pay which would come to somewhere
approaching $1500.00 to $1800.00.

Since my last pay was also direct deposited on friday I now have no way of
supporting myself. I have no money for food or for gas for my car to enable
me to work. My employer also tells me that they will only pay me by direct
deposit. I therefore no longer have a job, since the money would not reach
me.

I have tried talking to the Family Support people at 1916 Dundas St. E.
their answer was:-" we have a court order." repeated several times.

I have tried talking to the welfare people in Markham. Since I earned over
$520.00 last month I am not eligible for assistance.

I have had no contact with my daughter in approx. 4 year's. I do not even
know if she is alive and well. I have tried to keep her informed of my
current telephone number but she has never bothered to call.

I have no family and no friend's, very little food, no viable job and very
poor future prospects. I have therefore decided that there is no further
point in continuing my life. It is my intention to drive to a secluded area,
near my home, feed the car exhaust into the car, take some sleeping pills
and use the remaining gas in the car to end my life.

I would have prefered to die with more dignity.

It is my last will and testament that this letter be published for all to
see and read.

Signed
A.T. Renouf



A Suicide Remembered
Speech by The Reverend Alan Stewart.
www.fact.on.ca/renouf/speech.htm

The letter that Andrew Renouf left before he ended his life on October 17,
1995, was addressed: "To Whom It May Concern". We gather here today, whether
we knew him or not, because we are concerned, deeply concerned about the
pain he experienced and the issues that he brought to our attention as women
and men in a civilized society.

We want to make sense out of his death.

We want to learn from his experience.

We want to receive his last will and testament, his legacy, as he asked.

We are attempting today to hear his cry, to learn and self-examine ourselves
from his scream, which in this letter he made as loudly, as clearly, as
emphatically as possible. He used his whole life to propel these words into
our consciousness and into the fabric of our society. As his letter was his
last will and testament, for all concerned, we are extending his legacy
today by sharing his inheritance as he passed it on, in this letter.

As Andrew was a man, I will speak first about what the letter may point to
in terms of those of us who are men; what we can glean from Andrew; what is
his legacy for us?

In this letter, we are either Andrew, or there is an Andrew who is our
acquaintance, our friend, our brother, our co-worker. We are reminded that
four times as many men kill themselves as do women.

The trigger that seemed to set this death on its course was that Andrew had
no money. Do we measure a man by how much money he has in his pocket or his
bank account? The first thing that he mentions in his letter is the 43 cents
in his account. He obviously felt that 43 cents pointed to his
worthlessness, the 43 cents was a metaphor for how he felt and how much he
was valued on the open market. Andrew had no connection to the amount of
money that was garnisheed. He had no connection to the value of the money
that he had actually earned the previous month. His value was focused on the
43 cents that was left to keep his account open.

Andrew was a man who did not have a place to take his pain. He says that he
has no family, no friends. In the years that he lived on this planet, why
did he not have any friends? Why did he feel there was nobody to call? Why
was there no man or woman he knew personally that he could reach out to and
that they would grab his hand? Why was there no brother-in-law, no buddy
from work, no friend of a friend, no clergy? Why was there no "best friend"?

To respond to Andrew's letter, we men have to ask ourselves if, along the
journey of our lives, we have been investing in relationships to help us
live our lives. Are we cultivating, investing and risking to have good
friends? Do we make excuses that we are too busy? Are we sabotaging our own
lives by living in isolation from our brothers and sisters in our own
communities or families? Are we in a life-long process of estrangement?

Do we hide our pain? The name 'Andrew' means "manly" or "strong". Does our
notion of strength mean to go it alone, to be silent, reserved, to hide our
feelings and pretend that we are in control and that everything is OK when
it most definitely is not OK? When somebody asks us how we are, do we lie to
them and say that we are fine? Do we hide our feelings under the pretence
that other people do not want to know? Do we blame the unwitting for our
lack of self-expression? Are we hostage to what we think that other people
think of us?

Do we cultivate safe places, safe times, and safe people where we can really
be who we are? Can we ever give ourselves permission to be vulnerable? Have
we found someone we can trust with our secrets?

Andrew's letter says that estrangement, going it alone and hiding pain,
spells d-e-a-t-h.

In his pain, Andrew chose to end his life. We who gather here without that
pain can say that there were other choices he could have made. He could have
told a police officer or clergyperson that he was suicidal, or walked into
an emergencyward of a hospital. Strong men are not supposed to say, "I need
help. I am scared. I feel like killing myself. Help me!" This is a lie! Our
choices determine our life or our death. As men we are free to ' choose to
get the help that we need to get through our difficult times and live our
lives.

What does this letter say to women?

The loudest message that this letter says to me in regards to women is that
"men feel". Men do feel. We may teach men not to show their feelings, but
men can and do feel as deeply and as profoundly as any woman.

Andrew mentions that he has not seen his daughter in approximately four
years. While I am not privy to the intimacy issues of the Renouf family, I
can say that fathers naturally tend to love their children. A mother's or
father's relationship with their child is separately authentic from their
relationship with each other.

I can say that children need the love of both their father and their mother.
The access that mother and father have with their children, aside from
obvious abuse, should not be determined by the issues that the mother and
the father have with each other. Each parent can say that we are having
problems with each other, but we both love you very much. We know that
children feel guilty about a marriage break-up and they need to know that
both parents love them. It takes years to recover from taking sides, and
that same taking sides sabotages future relationships when those children
become adults.

Society says chat men are producers; they bring home the bread. Andrew's
letter screams to us that he cannot produce without limit.

There is a limit to what a man can produce.

There is a limit to what a man can take.

If we, as a society, teach boys that to be a man is to control, and then, as
in Andrew's case, we take all of that control away to the point that the
only way for him to keep any control is to stop the wage garnishee, then by
definition, we oblige him to make that choice.

Andrew mentions two government agencies: Family Support Services and
Welfare. One garnishees his wages, the other tells him that he still really
has the money the other agency took away. It is the classic case of the
right hand not letting the left hand know what it is doing. What this did to
Andrew is profoundly heinous in an age of computerisation, fax machines and
telephones.

For Welfare to say that he made more than $520 the month before is not true.
It is a lie.

Not only is it a lie, but the Family Support agency had all the
documentation to prove to the Welfare people that Andrew Renouf did not have
any of the money he had worked for during the previous month. The Family
Support Services, in reality, did not support the Renouf family. The
policies of the Welfare Office and the Family Support agency were
contributing factors in the destruction of the Renouf family.

Fathers are part of the family unit.

Husbands are part of the family unit.

You may listen to what I am saying and say that there are many issues here:
the issue of child support
the issue of gender discrimination
the issue of alimony
marriage breakdown
What I would like to say to you is that there are no such things as issues,
there are only people, flesh and blood men, women, and children. If our
attitudes and agencies do not work to support the health of women and men
and children, then we must change and adapt our attitudes and agencies so
that they do help all people.

The terrible reality of this story is that everyone lost.
a daughter lost her father
an ex-wife lost her support
society lost a good and productive member
and Andrew lost the most precious thing: his life.
Surely a system that makes everyone a loser has got to be wrong.

The most radical thing I have to say is that the solutions to life's
difficulties need a partnership that includes both men and women. We need
both sides to achieve the full equation and we need to have the same rules
and the same attitudes for both men and women.

There is a place in Los Angeles where there is a small mountain in the
middle of an urban area. There used to be an observatory there before the
city lights made it impossible to see the stars. It is a place where lovers
go to park. It is also a place where people go to commit suicide.

One evening, a police car drove up the winding road, just to see a young man
climbing over the rail to jump off and commit suicide. The first policeman
dashed to grab him, but he was too late to get a good hold on him and keep
his balance without falling over the cliff himself. There was a moment when
it looked like both of them were going to fall to their deaths. By then, the
second policeman was able to get around the car and grab the first policeman
and pull them both to safety.

The ftrst policeman was nearly killed. He was later asked, "Why did you do
this? Why did you risk you life, your future, losing your family and
everything for a total stranger, a man you didn't even know?" He replied
that when he touched him, he "became" the other man. To let go and let him
die would have been like losing himself. He would not have been able to face
himself the next day. He became the other man.

So, we are more than our brother's keeper. We are our brother; our brother's
and our sister's welfare is directly linked to our own. When Andrew died,
part of us died with him, men and women alike.

May God give us the grace to reach out in compassion for each other, to
attend to each other's pain, that we might all live in mutual trust, esteem
and love.

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