> For instance, yesterday I got home from the supermarket and discovered
> that I had got the wrong bread. Naturally, it only took about one
> billionth of a second to envision how the blushing/sweating would
> start at the customer service counter. If I were trapped there, like
> with a long line of other customers, then I'd eventually get soaked
> enough so that anybody would instantly notice.

> The other option would be to forget about the bread, but then I'd feel
> like such a chicken that I would loathe myself. That was not a real
> option. I've always pushed myself into things.

> So, I knew of many psychological and practical tricks to use on
> myself, but this time would be different. I had the shiny new
> propanolol handy. But I didn't want to wait an hour or two for peak
> plasma concentration to be achieved. So I *chewed* the bad-tasting
> tablet, 40 mg, to hopefully get it into my system faster. I also had a
> little bit of food right after, since that might result in less
> destruction of the propanolol on first-pass through the liver.

> As soon as I swallowed the propanolol, I felt better - like being
> armored. Anticipatory armoring, rather than anticipatory anxiety,
> since I had used a beta blocker before and knew its effects. I next
> waited for the drug to actually get in. I tested myself by simply
> imagining being at the counter. When I no longer felt any flush when
> imagining, I knew I was ready.

> Walking into the store I felt confident and bold. Then, at the counter
> itself, when speaking I had a tiny bit of heat across my hairline
> (above the forehead) and on the ears. That development gave me a
> little pause. Normally that would trigger the cascade, the cursed
> vicious cycle of being nervous and embarrased about being nervous and
> embarrased . But with the drug the symptoms didn't get any worse. They
> just stalled there. It was like what I'd imagine a normal, shy person
> would experience. I smiled then because knew I would win this one.

> The girl behind the counter smiled back and said, "sure, go get the
> other one that you want and bring it back here". I did that
> immediately, feeling almost instantly ebullient because I always feel
> better when I can move and besides I had just experienced the seed of
> triumphing over the anxiety attack.

> By the time that I was heading back to the counter, I actually
> **wanted** to spend more time there. I wanted to live it up in that
> mini-spotlight. I wanted to enjoy the interacting with strangers
> rather than being consumed about thoughts of my anxiety reactions. And
> so I did, even if it only lasted a minute. The transaction went too
> quickly. I walked out with a bit of a swagger in my step, though,
> looking at most of the girls behind the cash resisters as I went.

> As I say, I just need the drug to remove the outward symptoms. I'll do
> the rest. Life has been a living hell, but along with the mental work
> I've done I also need the drug, and now the end seems in sight. A
> beta-blocker doesn't relax you, or change your mood directly. But it
> frees me up (so far, knock on wood) to be who I have refashioned
> myself to be over these many years.

> So, does anybody know any more tricks to use that will quicken or
> enhance the action of propanolol? I'm sure that sometimes I'll need it
> really quick. Too bad there is no inhalable form.