> Yes, I'm really that pathetic. I fantasize about chatting to people,
> having imaginary discussions and that comforts me. I'm craving to talk
> to some one. I cannot live without posting on 5-6 forums whether they
> are eudcational(computers/physics etc) or suicidal or politics. May be
> I repeat my stories on this forum too much but I really want to talk.

> Seriously, the last 4 years have been miserable. I've been shy,
> awkward all my life but I've traumatised beyond repair in my college.
> Why you did this to me ? Does it make you happy to ruin someone's
> life. Atleast before that I could hold my head up and walk without
> feeling shame. I had a few friends in highschool, majority of whom
> were from lower middle class and they always made fun of me. But
> atleast these people helped me in worst times and we were always
> together like a gang. I did not care about having no influential or
> popular kids as friends but after a chain of events in 2004-2005,
> which I better not describe, my life has been ruined. I used to get
> tense every night before I went to sleep, every day when I woke up and
> had to face 500 people sneering at me in university. Oh god, I don't
> know how I managed to live then. I bagged a very good job at a
> software company after graduation but I had to resign in 4 days,
> thanks to some people from my university(who also got selected)
> harassing me daily. After this, I hibernated and didn't do anything
> for long (6 months) time. All I did was prepare for GRE(I'm going for
> my masters in US this fall), smoke weed, watch porn. I didn't get out
> of my house for 6 months. I just got bigger, ate terrible food, never
> worked out. Right now, I'm working for the last 6 months but I haven't
> spoken to most employees even once. I'm terrified to speak to anyone.
> But, It's pure torture to live and not have friends. Since 2004 i've
> probably spent 95% of all my time alone -- in my room, apartment,
> being by myself in university, work. It's a tough life. Why I can't
> live without being afraid and fearful for a second. Why are we forced
> to be around people we don't like. Where's the freedom ? It makes you
> angry, it makes you hate things even more. Don't really know what to
> do anymore. How am I supposed to live another, what? 50-60 years like
> this ? On the other hand, I also dislike human contact because I don't
> trust them. I hope someone can understand what I'm saying. There is a
> lack of good human beings int his world. They lack emotions. You can't
> go close to anyone or they will expoloit you. I wake up every morning
> depressed, I go sleep depressed. I can't even watch television
> anymore, there's nothing interesting on it. I'm always on the internet
> and my bills are rising. my head hurts because of the depression and i
> cannot get up on time in the morning. Not befroe 10-11am.