> "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
> news:LX2Im.144$Wf2.82@newsfe23.iad...
>>I am so looking forward to it SJ.  There will be a hula skirt for me and i
>>intend to somehow go snorkelling.  Might be only for a few minutes but
>>that is a few minutes more than if I didn't go - right? Other than that -
>>well mai tais under the banyon tree, swimming in the pool, watching the
>>friday night fireworks from our hotel balcony, scooting and people
>>watching on the scooter I rented.

>> Have never been to Hawaii but live through my friends and family's
>> stories. This time I am going to actually feel the heat and swim! Renting
>> a red convertible to do the island one day.

> That brings back a sweet memory.  I took my younger daughter to Hawaii
> when she was about 14.  Just about the time the VW Cabriolet came out.
> She so wanted to get one of those, a convertible some day.  I rented one
> for the day and we did Oahu.  We had a blast. One of my favorite pictures
> is of her with the car in front of the Lions Head Inn.

> She did learn that while a convertible can be a whole lot of fun, it isn't
> terribly practical for real life.

> BTW, do not fill up on fresh from the fields pineapple juice the day of
> your flight back to the mainland.

> Jo

> --
> Navy
> Take out the FISH to email me.
> "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
> news:on2Im.36$%j4.21@newsfe18.iad...
>> My father in law died this morning at 11:00.  He was confused last week
>> and refused to use his walker.  Fell, broke his hip and was diagnosed in
>> the hospital as having pneumonia.  They operated anyhow as he was in so
>> much pain with the hip.  He already had early dementia and advanced
>> parkinsons. He appeared to be getting a little better the last 2 days (he
>> had high anger and anxiety and aggression in the hospital from the
>> pneumonia and was very confused - didn't know where he was or why) but
>> slipped away quietly this morning.  My husband is taking it very badly
>> and is on his way.  In the meantime my son is sitting with his grannie.
>> She is 93 and is taking it very well.  He was 87.

>> I will be in Victoria next week so will see my mil then.  Not sure if
>> there will be a memorial service or when.  I told him I loved him last
>> time I saw him and basically said a quiet goodbye then since I am not in
>> town and Pat and I are not together anymore.  Was going to see him later
>> this week when i was in town.  Will go see my mil and give her a hug.

>> Anyhow in a better place.  I would hate a broken hip and early dementia
>> at 87.  There are too many dragons to face in the world sometimes.

>> Anyhow makes yesterday seem minor.  I am off to town to see people and
>> talk to anyone.  Maybe get my toes done - my feet hurt dreadfully today
>> and that always seems to help.

>> Thanks for listening everyone.  Just needed that support - truly Diane I
>> don't always cope with anxiety well and yesterday was a perfect example.
>> Today things are sort of back into perspective. Hope you are doing okay.

>> Kelly
>> "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
>> news:ReZHm.22$6c2.3@newsfe03.iad...
>>>I just got up and I am okay.  It is sunny and I intend to get out on my
>>>scooter into the village to see people.  Long nap needed this afternoon.
>>>It was a crappy day but since leaving Pat I have actually had more good
>>>days than bad so maybe eventually they will all be decent (or as decent
>>>as "normal" - lets face it life is not all cheery and whatever.

>>> My chest hurts but i think it was from all the crying.  Will get it
>>> checked if it continues.  The crying was pretty hard.

>>> Off to the village to see people, smile and get smiles back.  That
>>> should help the day!

>>> kelly
>>> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message
>>> news:862f6797-cf33-4f26-8ce4-048164d91d19@p28g2000vbi.googlegroups.com...
>>>> I'm running out the door, but just wanted to say I agree with
>>>> everything everybody's said! I'm reading a helpful book (which y'all
>>>> could have written) called "emotional freedom" (really hate the title)
>>>> by Judith Orloff, who has a physical, pychological, emotional and
>>>> spiritual approach to dealing with anxiety etc.

>>>> kelly, check in today to let us know you're okay. what a rought day
>>>> and night you had yesterday! i've been there. it was a long time ago
>>>> and i remember longing for the fast forward button. i'm glad you have
>>>> hawaii to look forward to.
>>>> Gary, we need to live in the moment. I totally agree.

>>>> Gotta run,

>>>> hugs,

>>>> diane

> I've been to Hawaii twice and wish I could go with you! i do hope you
> get to snorkel. It's fabulous. The easiest place I found in my limited
> travels was Hanauma Bay on Oahu, because you don't need to go out on a
> boat and do the climbing in and out thing.

> Your sister sounds very special.
> Take care of yourself,

> Diane

> Sometimes I also find just sitting in the dark with a candle or two
> burning and doing the deep breathing stuff is quite relaxing.  Something
> about sitting in the dark with the candle flickering and just watching
> it (during the holiday months, love to do this with the lights turned
> off and just the christmas tree lights lit up!)

> .
> .
> .
> .

> Donna
> .
> .
> .
> .
> 1.)   ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we
> call them FRIENDS......

> 2.)    May God's richest blessings be
> upon you both today and
> throughout the year.
> May His blessings flow through
> you to touch the lives of
> everyone you meet.

> First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel anxious
> or know that things are happening that I am losing a little sleep over.  I
> am at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on those.  Just deep breathing,
> expanding the abs and chest and exhaling making sure everything is out and
> usually if I am at home making a humming or shwooshing noise while
> exhaling.

> I also make lists at this time.  Worst case scenario, best case scenario.
> Make sure history is all there and look at the things that are improving.
> The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would be to make lists of what I
> have taken care of and how well prepared I am.  For example - I leave in
> 14 days to go to Hawaii.  Scooter - check, airport - phone to arrange
> wheelchair, get small wheeled bag and check in large one.  Meds in
> sufficcient demand - check.  Prescription for tamiflu - getting on
> Wednesday.  Etc.  This now takes some of the worry out of that. What is
> the worst that can happen?  How am I going to handle that.  The best case
> scenario - I will do everything I want.  The worst case - I get sick and
> spend the week in the hotel room - well at least it won't be in the
> apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii not cold damp BC at the moment.

> Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day.  When I had
> the cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I did them.  My
> favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first.  Tighten (not to the
> point of pain) and then relax, over and over until I feel that I am
> sinking into the bed.  Then I take myself into my favorite spot.  Right
> now I walk along the river, watching the ducks and swans.  I take a deep
> breath and smell the fresh air and grasses.  If I close my eyes I can hear
> the wind in the grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and watch
> the boats go in and out of the inlet, silently drifing by.  The ripples in
> the water as they go by.  On and on.

> Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine.  I make a scene in my
> head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the sun on my
> face.

> Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety.  A gentle stretch of all my
> joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under control.On a
> day like today distraction works best.  Pat and I had a huge fight on the
> phone and I must admit I was having trouble breathing after and the
> apartment closed in.  It was scary and part of that was the "what will I
> do with this damn disability and how will I live on whatever I am going to
> live on and what the hell happened to make me put up with the past few
> years of marriage."

> So for distraction I got out.  Just left in my car not really knowing
> where I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper.  I purposely
> smiled and said hi to everyone.  Talked to everyone, got a newspaper and
> then went for fish and chips - yes a forbidden food but it felt better.  I
> am still feeling anxious about everything but feel I can cope now.

> I think you said what I do in a sentence.  For me it is practice.
> Practice and routine every day.  It is what gets me through most things -
> practicing the breathing, practicing the distraction techniques and making
> those lists. By the way the lists are filed after.  Once written down and
> the worst brought out I write out possible solutions then file the paper.
> Sometimes when I need to I bring out the file and realize I mastered that
> situation or the test wasn't as bad as I thought.  Sometimes the solution
> is to research ideas such as the results of tests - sometimes that is more
> than I can do as it seems to scary.  The important thing for me is to be
> prepared but not go off on a tangent (as I am easily taken that way if you
> read things further. ie:  heart test - could mean blockage, could mean
> heart attack, maybe surgery, what would I do if I needed surgery, how
> would I cope, what kind of surgery.  All that tangent for a heart test
> that maybe was just investigational or routine.  Easily done with
> information.)

> Hope this helps Diane.  Prayer isn't a big thing for me but thoughts are.
> I guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers but usually they are just
> warm thoughts. I like to think they work the same way.

> Kelly

> diane

>> diane

> TV shows on DVD, exercise when possible, searching for something cheap
> but nice on ebay for my daughter (this can sometimes end up as a lot of
> research and following leads, which can kill a couple of hours until
> it's time to do something else, like sleep), and when all else fails:
> Atavan! :)

> "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
> news:oFKHm.7014$3P2.1359@newsfe09.iad...
>>I am not the best to answer this today as I have had a major anxiety
>>attack this morning over all this stupid seperation stuff but I guess
>>since I have it sort of under control again...well here is my routine.

>> First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel anxious
>> or know that things are happening that I am losing a little sleep over.
>> I am at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on those.  Just deep
>> breathing, expanding the abs and chest and exhaling making sure
>> everything is out and usually if I am at home making a humming or
>> shwooshing noise while exhaling.

>> I also make lists at this time.  Worst case scenario, best case scenario.
>> Make sure history is all there and look at the things that are improving.
>> The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would be to make lists of what I
>> have taken care of and how well prepared I am.  For example - I leave in
>> 14 days to go to Hawaii.  Scooter - check, airport - phone to arrange
>> wheelchair, get small wheeled bag and check in large one.  Meds in
>> sufficcient demand - check.  Prescription for tamiflu - getting on
>> Wednesday.  Etc.  This now takes some of the worry out of that. What is
>> the worst that can happen?  How am I going to handle that.  The best case
>> scenario - I will do everything I want.  The worst case - I get sick and
>> spend the week in the hotel room - well at least it won't be in the
>> apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii not cold damp BC at the moment.

>> Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day.  When I had
>> the cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I did them.  My
>> favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first.  Tighten (not to the
>> point of pain) and then relax, over and over until I feel that I am
>> sinking into the bed.  Then I take myself into my favorite spot.  Right
>> now I walk along the river, watching the ducks and swans.  I take a deep
>> breath and smell the fresh air and grasses.  If I close my eyes I can
>> hear the wind in the grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and
>> watch the boats go in and out of the inlet, silently drifing by.  The
>> ripples in the water as they go by.  On and on.

>> Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine.  I make a scene in my
>> head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the sun on my
>> face.

>> Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety.  A gentle stretch of all my
>> joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under control.On a
>> day like today distraction works best.  Pat and I had a huge fight on the
>> phone and I must admit I was having trouble breathing after and the
>> apartment closed in.  It was scary and part of that was the "what will I
>> do with this damn disability and how will I live on whatever I am going
>> to live on and what the hell happened to make me put up with the past few
>> years of marriage."

>> So for distraction I got out.  Just left in my car not really knowing
>> where I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper.  I purposely
>> smiled and said hi to everyone.  Talked to everyone, got a newspaper and
>> then went for fish and chips - yes a forbidden food but it felt better.
>> I am still feeling anxious about everything but feel I can cope now.

>> I think you said what I do in a sentence.  For me it is practice.
>> Practice and routine every day.  It is what gets me through most things -
>> practicing the breathing, practicing the distraction techniques and
>> making those lists. By the way the lists are filed after.  Once written
>> down and the worst brought out I write out possible solutions then file
>> the paper. Sometimes when I need to I bring out the file and realize I
>> mastered that situation or the test wasn't as bad as I thought.
>> Sometimes the solution is to research ideas such as the results of
>> tests - sometimes that is more than I can do as it seems to scary.  The
>> important thing for me is to be prepared but not go off on a tangent (as
>> I am easily taken that way if you read things further. ie:  heart test -
>> could mean blockage, could mean heart attack, maybe surgery, what would I
>> do if I needed surgery, how would I cope, what kind of surgery.  All that
>> tangent for a heart test that maybe was just investigational or routine.
>> Easily done with information.)

>> Hope this helps Diane.  Prayer isn't a big thing for me but thoughts are.
>> I guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers but usually they are
>> just warm thoughts. I like to think they work the same way.

>> Kelly

> What a fantastic list!! Could practically be a book you could market.

> Kelly - if you ever need a no cost take on the separation stuff from
> someone in the field - email me at adstavisatgmaildotcom (you know how to
> unmunge) and maybe I can help.

> Adelle

> diane

> diane

> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:8e97e60d-7df7-4bff-b60a-25899048938c@b2g2000yqi.googlegroups.com...
>> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?"
>> "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have
>> to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I
>> used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms
>> are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice.<snip>
> diane

> Hi Diane,
> It's a very good question and reading through the thread at this late
> stage I can see why many people  here have much to be anxious about. I
> feel deeply moved by the situations of many of the posters here and wish
> there was some way I was able to help. In spite of the many problems,
> people here are always quick with an encouraging word and support even
> when the odds seem personally stacked against them.

> I think part of coping is having a support network around, that way (
> whilst you ultimately have to face it by yourself) it's a little easier
> if you have someone around to share  your thoughts  with and bounce some
> ideas back and forth.

> In terms of  having to have a medical test that isn't pleasant, thinking
> about it as something that is uncomfortable is realistic. It is helpful
> for me in  a situation like this to focus on the fact that the pain or
> discomfort of the procedure is one small segment of your life and that the
> discomfort is finite and will only last a short time.

> Likewise in situations of great loss, it is easier to accept that the
> event has occured and that we cannot change that fact. Acknowledge the
> memories when they occur, but find things to do so that the memories do
> not consume consume your whole life  after a period of grieving.

> When it comes to longer term pain, I find that breathing and relaxation
> exercises help a lot.

> Don't know about anxiety regarding surgery (Best wishes Gareeth)

> I sincerely hope that you are able to find something that is helpful to
> you Diane.

> Craig

> For anyone who hasn't done the ASMP (arthritis self management plan) or
> read the book or read about pain control - these ideas are pain control
> ideas too.

> The thing is that pain is in a cycle.  In order to stop or relieve some
> pain you need to break the cycle.  Don't have my book so might not have
> this in order or might forget somethings but basically.

> You have pain, you tighten up your muscles to protect that area, this
> causes more pain, lose sleep, depression, anger, helplessness, tighten
> muscles, causes pain.  Sort of along that line.

> So imagine gripping a pencil tight.  When you do that you don't just
> tighten your hands you tighten your shoulders etc.  Any tight grip will
> cause a little pain in even a normal person.

> So you can cut the pain cycle at many spots.  The anxiety exercises we
> were talking about will cut some of the pain a little.  If you can stop
> the anger you lose some of that tightness.  Cutting any of this
> anxiousness, relaxing etc can get you more sleep.

> Relaxation exercises are incredible.

> If anyone wants me to I don't mind writing some of the pain distraction
> exercises or the things to do to lesson pain (some of which all of us know
> but again forget to do or if you haven't been in a flare for a while might
> not have been practicing (that darn word again).  This way people could
> add to the other ideas too.

> Thanks Diane.  People's ideas always help me and it also helps me to put
> in words what I do everyday.  Reminds me that I have to keep at it.

> Kelly
> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:8e97e60d-7df7-4bff-b60a-25899048938c@b2g2000yqi.googlegroups.com...
>> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?"
>> "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have
>> to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I
>> used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms
>> are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is
>> such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you
>> would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many,
>> but not all, of us.
>> What works for you?

>> diane

> --
> Navy
> Take out the FISH to email me.
> "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
> news:F4lIm.312$Wf2.174@newsfe23.iad...
>> Once again we have an excellent topic that has brought forth all these
>> ideas.

>> For anyone who hasn't done the ASMP (arthritis self management plan) or
>> read the book or read about pain control - these ideas are pain control
>> ideas too.

>> The thing is that pain is in a cycle.  In order to stop or relieve some
>> pain you need to break the cycle.  Don't have my book so might not have
>> this in order or might forget somethings but basically.

>> You have pain, you tighten up your muscles to protect that area, this
>> causes more pain, lose sleep, depression, anger, helplessness, tighten
>> muscles, causes pain.  Sort of along that line.

>> So imagine gripping a pencil tight.  When you do that you don't just
>> tighten your hands you tighten your shoulders etc.  Any tight grip will
>> cause a little pain in even a normal person.

>> So you can cut the pain cycle at many spots.  The anxiety exercises we
>> were talking about will cut some of the pain a little.  If you can stop
>> the anger you lose some of that tightness.  Cutting any of this
>> anxiousness, relaxing etc can get you more sleep.

>> Relaxation exercises are incredible.

>> If anyone wants me to I don't mind writing some of the pain distraction
>> exercises or the things to do to lesson pain (some of which all of us
>> know but again forget to do or if you haven't been in a flare for a while
>> might not have been practicing (that darn word again).  This way people
>> could add to the other ideas too.

>> Thanks Diane.  People's ideas always help me and it also helps me to put
>> in words what I do everyday.  Reminds me that I have to keep at it.

>> Kelly
>> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message
>> news:8e97e60d-7df7-4bff-b60a-25899048938c@b2g2000yqi.googlegroups.com...
>>> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?"
>>> "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have
>>> to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I
>>> used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms
>>> are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is
>>> such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you
>>> would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many,
>>> but not all, of us.
>>> What works for you?

>>> diane

> I found a stress/cold buster at the library yesterday. The newest
> Margaret Maron book, called "Sand Sharks". Only just started it,
> but it quickly arrived at a warm North Carolina beach in the hot
> sun.

> Without the discusion here, I might have still found the book.
> She's a favorite author. But I might not have thought to take my
> time and savor the description of the warm summer beach.

> Jo

> Of course I end up with a cold.  Drippy nose or stuffed depending on the
> time of day, no fever thank goodness and minimal coughing, headache of
> mammoth proportions and I ache all over.

> Crap - slept all day yesterday and today and feeling a tiny bit better.
> With the trip coming up though I can't take chances and I really can't be
> around my sons as they are around their grandmother.  I was also going to
> visit my mil but can't do that either.  Obviously the stars were not
> aligned for this particular trip. Enforced rest though.  See the
> orthopedic surgeon onmy knee tomorrow. Maybe if I am lucky he has some
> ideas to stop it from giving out.

> I was really glad to see that you are having physio and that your
> exercises are right.  The correct physio can make so much difference.
> Make sure though that he listens to you and that you don't push too hard.
> My last one was so good (and so good looking!) - wish I could send him to
> you.  eye candy when you are hurting doesn't hurt things!

> Take care Navy. I am glad when I can help a little.  This group helps me
> so much.

> Kelly
> "loujeanb" <medical23SkidooF...@sc.rr.com> wrote in message
> news:hcsvj0$8k1$1@news.eternal-september.org...
>> Kelly, you always take time to reassure the rest of us.  You are right.
>> If you can break the cycle of pain, pressure, etc, it's amazing how much
>> you can handle. But,if you let that recycle and build, it gets worse a
>> lot faster.  God bless you, girl, and be with your boys.

>> --
>> Navy
>> Take out the FISH to email me.
>> "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
>> news:F4lIm.312$Wf2.174@newsfe23.iad...
>>> Once again we have an excellent topic that has brought forth all these
>>> ideas.

>>> For anyone who hasn't done the ASMP (arthritis self management plan) or
>>> read the book or read about pain control - these ideas are pain control
>>> ideas too.

>>> The thing is that pain is in a cycle.  In order to stop or relieve some
>>> pain you need to break the cycle.  Don't have my book so might not have
>>> this in order or might forget somethings but basically.

>>> You have pain, you tighten up your muscles to protect that area, this
>>> causes more pain, lose sleep, depression, anger, helplessness, tighten
>>> muscles, causes pain.  Sort of along that line.

>>> So imagine gripping a pencil tight.  When you do that you don't just
>>> tighten your hands you tighten your shoulders etc.  Any tight grip will
>>> cause a little pain in even a normal person.

>>> So you can cut the pain cycle at many spots.  The anxiety exercises we
>>> were talking about will cut some of the pain a little.  If you can stop
>>> the anger you lose some of that tightness.  Cutting any of this
>>> anxiousness, relaxing etc can get you more sleep.

>>> Relaxation exercises are incredible.

>>> If anyone wants me to I don't mind writing some of the pain distraction
>>> exercises or the things to do to lesson pain (some of which all of us
>>> know but again forget to do or if you haven't been in a flare for a
>>> while might not have been practicing (that darn word again).  This way
>>> people could add to the other ideas too.

>>> Thanks Diane.  People's ideas always help me and it also helps me to put
>>> in words what I do everyday.  Reminds me that I have to keep at it.

>>> Kelly
>>> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message
>>> news:8e97e60d-7df7-4bff-b60a-25899048938c@b2g2000yqi.googlegroups.com...
>>>> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?"
>>>> "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have
>>>> to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I
>>>> used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms
>>>> are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is
>>>> such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you
>>>> would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many,
>>>> but not all, of us.
>>>> What works for you?

>>>> diane

> diane