How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?" "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many, but not all, of us. What works for you?
> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with > me?" > "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I > have > to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of > anxiety. I > used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping > mechanisms > are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. > There is > such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of > you > would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for > many, > but not all, of us. > What works for you?
> diane
For me its been a long drawn out process of learning not to worry about things I can't do anything about. Sometimes with more success than others.
But honestly I think more credit goes to having plenty of other things to worry about. For the next ten months I have no teenagers to worry about. Oldest grandsons are now in their early twenties, their little brother is twelve. For the most part if I am bound and determined to worry, I worry about the kids.
That, and I'm sure something in the various drugs I'm on helps with anxiety.
Last but not least, I find I worry less about the future as I get older. Kind of a memory thing. To busy worrying about things I might forget.
I find things to do to keep me busy if I can. Of course I pray and read the bible or devotionals too to help me get through it.
but since the countdown is coming for no money, no way to pay bills, it is not working as good.
but it does work for me to keep busy for the other things like what is wrong with me, dreading the medical test. don't know if it would work for surgery.
> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?" > "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have > to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I > used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms > are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is > such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you > would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many, > but not all, of us. > What works for you?
> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?" > "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have > to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I > used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms > are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is > such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you > would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many, > but not all, of us. > What works for you?
> diane
OH my yes,,,,and what works for me..... Its about thy will Lord and what tomorrow will bring for me. I can not control what takes place in much of my life. I do what I can with what makes sense for me and then I give the rest to my God and my newsgroup for what comes next and I try to listen to both and when I think they agree,,,,, life is easy. Harv
First, I tell myself over and over that whatever it is, it will be ok. That's partly a matter of faith and God and partly the knowledge that I/we have come through so much already that we can manage what we need to. (of course this doesn't keep me from whining along the way! But telling God that I really don't want to do "this" again is part of the process for me!)
Second, I do what I can to control what I can. I learn what I can, I do my best to get doctors I can trust (which was a big frustration when we lived with very limited options that way!), I remind myself of the positives in the situation rather than the negatives (i.e. getting a diagnosis at least means you can *treat* it, both parents and I myself have always done well with surgery so I will this time also, etc.) and, once again, tell myself that even though i don't want to do whatever it is, I can get through it because I've managed so much already. And I make sure those around me know I love them, just in case soemthing does happen to me.
And I schedule treats for myself to help me look on the good side of life! (we're off on another overnight to Chicago tomorrow!)
-- Nann remove the Gator cheer to email me You can see a lot by just looking --- Yogi Berra
I am not the best to answer this today as I have had a major anxiety attack this morning over all this stupid seperation stuff but I guess since I have it sort of under control again...well here is my routine.
First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel anxious or know that things are happening that I am losing a little sleep over. I am at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on those. Just deep breathing, expanding the abs and chest and exhaling making sure everything is out and usually if I am at home making a humming or shwooshing noise while exhaling.
I also make lists at this time. Worst case scenario, best case scenario. Make sure history is all there and look at the things that are improving. The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would be to make lists of what I have taken care of and how well prepared I am. For example - I leave in 14 days to go to Hawaii. Scooter - check, airport - phone to arrange wheelchair, get small wheeled bag and check in large one. Meds in sufficcient demand - check. Prescription for tamiflu - getting on Wednesday. Etc. This now takes some of the worry out of that. What is the worst that can happen? How am I going to handle that. The best case scenario - I will do everything I want. The worst case - I get sick and spend the week in the hotel room - well at least it won't be in the apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii not cold damp BC at the moment.
Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day. When I had the cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I did them. My favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first. Tighten (not to the point of pain) and then relax, over and over until I feel that I am sinking into the bed. Then I take myself into my favorite spot. Right now I walk along the river, watching the ducks and swans. I take a deep breath and smell the fresh air and grasses. If I close my eyes I can hear the wind in the grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and watch the boats go in and out of the inlet, silently drifing by. The ripples in the water as they go by. On and on.
Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine. I make a scene in my head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the sun on my face.
Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety. A gentle stretch of all my joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under control.On a day like today distraction works best. Pat and I had a huge fight on the phone and I must admit I was having trouble breathing after and the apartment closed in. It was scary and part of that was the "what will I do with this damn disability and how will I live on whatever I am going to live on and what the hell happened to make me put up with the past few years of marriage."
So for distraction I got out. Just left in my car not really knowing where I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper. I purposely smiled and said hi to everyone. Talked to everyone, got a newspaper and then went for fish and chips - yes a forbidden food but it felt better. I am still feeling anxious about everything but feel I can cope now.
I think you said what I do in a sentence. For me it is practice. Practice and routine every day. It is what gets me through most things - practicing the breathing, practicing the distraction techniques and making those lists. By the way the lists are filed after. Once written down and the worst brought out I write out possible solutions then file the paper. Sometimes when I need to I bring out the file and realize I mastered that situation or the test wasn't as bad as I thought. Sometimes the solution is to research ideas such as the results of tests - sometimes that is more than I can do as it seems to scary. The important thing for me is to be prepared but not go off on a tangent (as I am easily taken that way if you read things further. ie: heart test - could mean blockage, could mean heart attack, maybe surgery, what would I do if I needed surgery, how would I cope, what kind of surgery. All that tangent for a heart test that maybe was just investigational or routine. Easily done with information.)
Hope this helps Diane. Prayer isn't a big thing for me but thoughts are. I guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers but usually they are just warm thoughts. I like to think they work the same way.
> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?" > "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have > to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I > used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms > are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is > such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you > would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many, > but not all, of us. > What works for you?
As for health issues, I tend to do a "Scarlett O'Hara" and put off thinking about it until tomorrow!!! When tomorrow comes and I have to think or do something about it, I try not to panic. I also do the self-hypnosis thing that Kelly explained so well...the relaxation breathing and tightening and relaxing muscles from the feet up and going off to a nicer place (I do this at the dentist also). If I get really scared or anxious (as in an MRI machine), or if I let myself think of awful happenings in the future, I give it to God and ask Him to hold my hand and get me through.
This is so interesting, not to mention helpful. What different techniques and approaches you all have. I suppose for myself, I've had some combination of all of these, but Kelly's techniques are ones I used to teach as a therapist and employed regularly myself. I'd be on a beach in Hawaii while getting a tooth drilled! But as I said, I am way out of practice. When i lived in Virginia, i attended a Mindfulness Center several times a month and relaxation became second nature to me. But more than 4 years ago, i moved to NC and in with my very unrelaxing (though otherwise wonderful) significant other, and have, as I said, forgotten all I knew about coping. So it's time to get back into it. I have a few of those medical mysteries going on, as so many of us do, and it's helpful to think about ways to deal with the unknown. . . and the finding out.
S.Jo, I'm so sorry about the money troubles. And Kelly, I'm sorry you had a rough day. I know the past few months have been a roller coaster.
Deep breathing and then blowing it out very slowly, but making sure I blow it out all the way, and repeat several times.
Music is also a good way for me to help with the anxiety.
Finding something that I know will make me laugh ( a good movie, friends, brothers, etc )
Sometimes getting out of my home and taking a nice walk or a nice drive, etc
Talking with friends
Making lists! I am the queen of lists, and like Kelly, I often think of the worst case scenario and then think of and write down how to deal with the worst case scenario should it happen
Long relaxing hot showers
very rarely getting myself a massage
Lots of prayers/conversations with God
. . . .
Donna . . . . 1.) ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call them FRIENDS......
2.) May God's richest blessings be upon you both today and throughout the year. May His blessings flow through you to touch the lives of everyone you meet.
I guess sometimes the word is practice. Sometimes I look at all this as being my job. If I don't keep on top of things I get fired or at the least a red tag on my file in otherwords the pain gets the best of me. Or the anxiety. Or the fatique. The relaxation to me is pretty much second nature by now and it really doesn't take much to do now - it is automatic. I canunderstand how anxious you would be about the medical mysteries Diane. Unfortunately (which always raises the anxiety level) it is always so hard to diagnose these mysteries (as you and Nann know well with different problems) and there are no quick fixes. Also to help matters the "experts" don't always agree. The easiest way I guess for me to get through these things is to do the techniques I wrote about.
The one thing I forgot about that helps the most is my support systems. My mom, my girlfriend, the group. All help in different ways in my life.
The roller coaster ride hit a huge bump today. It is 1:30 in the morning and i have been having a meltdown for the past 4 hours. Well to be fair most of the day since it started at 10:00 with the fight with Pat over the seperation crap. It has gone downhill from there. My chest is sore now and I am having trouble breathing and I suspect it is from the crying. I know this too will pass and by tomorrow I will once again be okay again but today I just wish I knew what the crap happened the past years and especially since about November when things roller coaster. I just want off. I even went as far as to tell him today I didn't care about it all that I would sign his damn seperation stuff just get out of my life. My mom and girlfriend reminded me that couldn't happen without a lawyer - it just wasn't a viable solution and the downside was too much. Thank goodness because they are right.
If only he knew I would give up all of it to know what the **** went down. Tonight I am just tired and scared and hurting. And at 1:30 in the morning the only place to talk to is the newsgroup or the crisis line. that might be next. Because of the chest pains I don't want to take a painkiller. I know in my brain they are just from the crying but that doesn't make it any easier.
Anyhow thanks Diane. I am okay - really the first bad meltdown I have had. Guess after all that has happened I deserve it. In the last 2 months I have moved, had an infusion, finished my husband's 2 company bookkeeping year end and been dealing with heart tests, new doctor's and separation crap. And I miss my dog and cat badly right now. At least I have Hawaii to look forward to in 2 weeks. I will pick myself up tomorrow.
Anyhow I don't know if any of those ideas help Diane. They do take practice as you know but it doen't take long to get the hang of it again. The techniques don't solve anything but do lessen the anxiety.
Off to deep breathe and see if I can get to sleep. Time to use my other technique - lecturing myself. Can't hurt even although it doesn't always do any good.
By the way one of my relaxation distraction etc things is reading. I re-read Brass Ring which I found in the bookstore the other day. I had forgotten how good it really was. Am I allowed another favorite of yours. can they all be the best ever books???
> This is so interesting, not to mention helpful. What different > techniques and approaches you all have. I suppose for myself, I've had > some combination of all of these, but Kelly's techniques are ones I > used to teach as a therapist and employed regularly myself. I'd be on > a beach in Hawaii while getting a tooth drilled! But as I said, I am > way out of practice. When i lived in Virginia, i attended a > Mindfulness Center several times a month and relaxation became second > nature to me. But more than 4 years ago, i moved to NC and in with my > very unrelaxing (though otherwise wonderful) significant other, and > have, as I said, forgotten all I knew about coping. So it's time to > get back into it. I have a few of those medical mysteries going on, as > so many of us do, and it's helpful to think about ways to deal with > the unknown. . . and the finding out.
> S.Jo, I'm so sorry about the money troubles. And Kelly, I'm sorry you > had a rough day. I know the past few months have been a roller > coaster.
Drugs and alcohol of course!! No, just kidding. There is a kenel of truth to that also. I have anti-d's from my shrink as well as anti-anxiety meds only if and when something is extremely overwhelming and only for a very short term. This will probably sound pretty morbid but the moment I was born I was already dying. That's the meat and potatos. Everything in between is gravy. Might run into a few lumps now and again but that is the way it is. We have no idea how much time we have so I believe we should enjoy every moment, every experience good or bad. Is that hedonistic? Don't know, don't care. I know what little I can control and don't worry about what I can't. I believe life is to be enjoyed regardless of circumstance. Consequently I have very few things I worry about and less I get stressed over. With others, I help when I can and don't worry about when I can't. I pursue wholeheartedly the things I enjoy, don't have time for the rest. One step in front of the other until my time is up. GaryZ
> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with me?" > "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I have > to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of anxiety. I > used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping mechanisms > are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. There is > such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of you > would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for many, > but not all, of us. > What works for you?
I'm running out the door, but just wanted to say I agree with everything everybody's said! I'm reading a helpful book (which y'all could have written) called "emotional freedom" (really hate the title) by Judith Orloff, who has a physical, pychological, emotional and spiritual approach to dealing with anxiety etc.
kelly, check in today to let us know you're okay. what a rought day and night you had yesterday! i've been there. it was a long time ago and i remember longing for the fast forward button. i'm glad you have hawaii to look forward to. Gary, we need to live in the moment. I totally agree.
Sometimes I also find just sitting in the dark with a candle or two burning and doing the deep breathing stuff is quite relaxing. Something about sitting in the dark with the candle flickering and just watching it (during the holiday months, love to do this with the lights turned off and just the christmas tree lights lit up!)
. . . .
Donna . . . . 1.) ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call them FRIENDS......
2.) May God's richest blessings be upon you both today and throughout the year. May His blessings flow through you to touch the lives of everyone you meet.
I just got up and I am okay. It is sunny and I intend to get out on my scooter into the village to see people. Long nap needed this afternoon. It was a crappy day but since leaving Pat I have actually had more good days than bad so maybe eventually they will all be decent (or as decent as "normal" - lets face it life is not all cheery and whatever.
My chest hurts but i think it was from all the crying. Will get it checked if it continues. The crying was pretty hard.
Off to the village to see people, smile and get smiles back. That should help the day!
> I'm running out the door, but just wanted to say I agree with > everything everybody's said! I'm reading a helpful book (which y'all > could have written) called "emotional freedom" (really hate the title) > by Judith Orloff, who has a physical, pychological, emotional and > spiritual approach to dealing with anxiety etc.
> kelly, check in today to let us know you're okay. what a rought day > and night you had yesterday! i've been there. it was a long time ago > and i remember longing for the fast forward button. i'm glad you have > hawaii to look forward to. > Gary, we need to live in the moment. I totally agree.
Kelly, I know you had an awful day. I want you to know that you improved my not that awful day with what you posted.
I've been cold a lot recently. Weather and house are fine, its just me. I warmed up a bit as I read your exercise. I've done those before so I know how to concentrate on the images, just haven't done it in a long time. I swear I warmed up. I reread that part a couple more times last night and it really helped.
>I am not the best to answer this today as I have had a major >anxiety attack this morning over all this stupid seperation stuff >but I guess since I have it sort of under control again...well here >is my routine.
> First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel > anxious or know that things are happening that I am losing a > little sleep over. I am at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on > those. Just deep breathing, expanding the abs and chest and > exhaling making sure everything is out and usually if I am at home > making a humming or shwooshing noise while exhaling.
> I also make lists at this time. Worst case scenario, best case > scenario. Make sure history is all there and look at the things > that are improving. The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would > be to make lists of what I have taken care of and how well > prepared I am. For example - I leave in 14 days to go to Hawaii. > Scooter - check, airport - phone to arrange wheelchair, get small > wheeled bag and check in large one. Meds in sufficcient demand - > check. Prescription for tamiflu - getting on Wednesday. Etc. > This now takes some of the worry out of that. What is the worst > that can happen? How am I going to handle that. The best case > scenario - I will do everything I want. The worst case - I get > sick and spend the week in the hotel room - well at least it won't > be in the apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii not cold damp > BC at the moment.
> Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day. When > I had the cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I > did them. My favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first. > Tighten (not to the point of pain) and then relax, over and over > until I feel that I am sinking into the bed. Then I take myself > into my favorite spot. Right now I walk along the river, watching > the ducks and swans. I take a deep breath and smell the fresh air > and grasses. If I close my eyes I can hear the wind in the > grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and watch the boats > go in and out of the inlet, silently drifing by. The ripples in > the water as they go by. On and on.
> Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine. I make a scene > in my head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the > sun on my face.
> Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety. A gentle stretch of > all my joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under > control.On a day like today distraction works best. Pat and I had > a huge fight on the phone and I must admit I was having trouble > breathing after and the apartment closed in. It was scary and > part of that was the "what will I do with this damn disability and > how will I live on whatever I am going to live on and what the > hell happened to make me put up with the past few years of > marriage."
> So for distraction I got out. Just left in my car not really > knowing where I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper. > I purposely smiled and said hi to everyone. Talked to everyone, > got a newspaper and then went for fish and chips - yes a forbidden > food but it felt better. I am still feeling anxious about > everything but feel I can cope now.
> I think you said what I do in a sentence. For me it is practice. > Practice and routine every day. It is what gets me through most > things - practicing the breathing, practicing the distraction > techniques and making those lists. By the way the lists are filed > after. Once written down and the worst brought out I write out > possible solutions then file the paper. Sometimes when I need to > I bring out the file and realize I mastered that situation or the > test wasn't as bad as I thought. Sometimes the solution is to > research ideas such as the results of tests - sometimes that is > more than I can do as it seems to scary. The important thing for > me is to be prepared but not go off on a tangent (as I am easily > taken that way if you read things further. ie: heart test - could > mean blockage, could mean heart attack, maybe surgery, what would > I do if I needed surgery, how would I cope, what kind of surgery. > All that tangent for a heart test that maybe was just > investigational or routine. Easily done with information.)
> Hope this helps Diane. Prayer isn't a big thing for me but > thoughts are. I guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers > but usually they are just warm thoughts. I like to think they work > the same way.
> Kelly
> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message > news:8e97e60d-7df7-4bff-b60a-25899048938c@b2g2000yqi.googlegroups.com... >> How do you all cope? I'm talking about the "what is wrong with >> me?" >> "I'm dreading that medical test" "I'm afraid of my diagnosis" "I >> have >> to have surgery tomorrow" (that one's for Gareeth) kind of >> anxiety. I >> used to be so much better at it, and find my usual coping >> mechanisms >> are not working as they used to. I think I'm out of practice. >> There is >> such collective wisdom in this group, and I'd love it if some of >> you >> would share your coping skills. I know prayer is a big one for >> many, >> but not all, of us. >> What works for you?
> Drugs and alcohol of course!! No, just kidding. There is a kenel > of truth to that also. I have anti-d's from my shrink as well as > anti-anxiety meds only if and when something is extremely > overwhelming and only for a very short term. > This will probably sound pretty morbid but the moment I was born I > was already dying. That's the meat and potatos. Everything in > between is gravy. Might run into a few lumps now and again but > that is the way it is. We have no idea how much time we have so I > believe we should enjoy every moment, every experience good or > bad. Is that hedonistic? Don't know, don't care. I know what > little I can control and don't worry about what I can't. I believe > life is to be enjoyed regardless of circumstance. Consequently I > have very few things I worry about and less I get stressed over. > With others, I help when I can and don't worry about when I can't. > I pursue wholeheartedly the things I enjoy, don't have time for > the rest. One step in front of the other until my time is up. > GaryZ
Don't knock what works. I still have a small stash of anti-anxiety meds 'just in case'. I used to call them my IRS and Mother-In-Law pills. Serax if I remember the name right. Sometimes medication will head specific anxiety off at the pass.
Another thing that helps keep me from worry is no fun, but we take the help we get where we can. Charlie has really started worrying much more than he used to as he's gotten older. Mostly about the kids, who quite frankly are adults and can do their own worrying now as I see it. But I figure he has it covered if anything needs worried about.
My father in law died this morning at 11:00. He was confused last week and refused to use his walker. Fell, broke his hip and was diagnosed in the hospital as having pneumonia. They operated anyhow as he was in so much pain with the hip. He already had early dementia and advanced parkinsons. He appeared to be getting a little better the last 2 days (he had high anger and anxiety and aggression in the hospital from the pneumonia and was very confused - didn't know where he was or why) but slipped away quietly this morning. My husband is taking it very badly and is on his way. In the meantime my son is sitting with his grannie. She is 93 and is taking it very well. He was 87.
I will be in Victoria next week so will see my mil then. Not sure if there will be a memorial service or when. I told him I loved him last time I saw him and basically said a quiet goodbye then since I am not in town and Pat and I are not together anymore. Was going to see him later this week when i was in town. Will go see my mil and give her a hug.
Anyhow in a better place. I would hate a broken hip and early dementia at 87. There are too many dragons to face in the world sometimes.
Anyhow makes yesterday seem minor. I am off to town to see people and talk to anyone. Maybe get my toes done - my feet hurt dreadfully today and that always seems to help.
Thanks for listening everyone. Just needed that support - truly Diane I don't always cope with anxiety well and yesterday was a perfect example. Today things are sort of back into perspective. Hope you are doing okay.
>I just got up and I am okay. It is sunny and I intend to get out on my >scooter into the village to see people. Long nap needed this afternoon. >It was a crappy day but since leaving Pat I have actually had more good >days than bad so maybe eventually they will all be decent (or as decent as >"normal" - lets face it life is not all cheery and whatever.
> My chest hurts but i think it was from all the crying. Will get it > checked if it continues. The crying was pretty hard.
> Off to the village to see people, smile and get smiles back. That should > help the day!
> kelly > "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message > news:862f6797-cf33-4f26-8ce4-048164d91d19@p28g2000vbi.googlegroups.com... >> I'm running out the door, but just wanted to say I agree with >> everything everybody's said! I'm reading a helpful book (which y'all >> could have written) called "emotional freedom" (really hate the title) >> by Judith Orloff, who has a physical, pychological, emotional and >> spiritual approach to dealing with anxiety etc.
>> kelly, check in today to let us know you're okay. what a rought day >> and night you had yesterday! i've been there. it was a long time ago >> and i remember longing for the fast forward button. i'm glad you have >> hawaii to look forward to. >> Gary, we need to live in the moment. I totally agree.
> First, I tell myself over and over that whatever it is, it will be ok. > That's partly a matter of faith and God and partly the knowledge that I/we > have come through so much already that we can manage what we need to. (of > course this doesn't keep me from whining along the way! But telling God > that > I really don't want to do "this" again is part of the process for me!)
> Second, I do what I can to control what I can. I learn what I can, I do > my > best to get doctors I can trust (which was a big frustration when we lived > with very limited options that way!), I remind myself of the positives in > the > situation rather than the negatives (i.e. getting a diagnosis at least > means > you can *treat* it, both parents and I myself have always done well with > surgery so I will this time also, etc.) and, once again, tell myself that > even though i don't want to do whatever it is, I can get through it > because > I've managed so much already. And I make sure those around me know I love > them, just in case soemthing does happen to me.
> And I schedule treats for myself to help me look on the good side of life! > (we're off on another overnight to Chicago tomorrow!)
> -- > Nann > remove the Gator cheer to email me > You can see a lot by just looking --- Yogi Berra
> This is so interesting, not to mention helpful. What different > techniques and approaches you all have. I suppose for myself, I've had > some combination of all of these, but Kelly's techniques are ones I > used to teach as a therapist and employed regularly myself. I'd be on > a beach in Hawaii while getting a tooth drilled! But as I said, I am > way out of practice. When i lived in Virginia, i attended a > Mindfulness Center several times a month and relaxation became second > nature to me. But more than 4 years ago, i moved to NC and in with my > very unrelaxing (though otherwise wonderful) significant other, and > have, as I said, forgotten all I knew about coping. So it's time to > get back into it. I have a few of those medical mysteries going on, as > so many of us do, and it's helpful to think about ways to deal with > the unknown. . . and the finding out.
> S.Jo, I'm so sorry about the money troubles. And Kelly, I'm sorry you > had a rough day. I know the past few months have been a roller > coaster.
sweetie, hang in there. I am praying things will get better for you.
once again you did a wonderful job on answering these questions and giving suggestions. don't know what we would do without you. You are always so helpful to others.
have a good time in Hawaii when you go. Have safe travels there and back. Do a grass skirt dance for me. ;-)
>I am not the best to answer this today as I have had a major anxiety attack >this morning over all this stupid seperation stuff but I guess since I have >it sort of under control again...well here is my routine.
> First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel anxious > or know that things are happening that I am losing a little sleep over. I > am at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on those. Just deep breathing, > expanding the abs and chest and exhaling making sure everything is out and > usually if I am at home making a humming or shwooshing noise while > exhaling.
> I also make lists at this time. Worst case scenario, best case scenario. > Make sure history is all there and look at the things that are improving. > The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would be to make lists of what I > have taken care of and how well prepared I am. For example - I leave in > 14 days to go to Hawaii. Scooter - check, airport - phone to arrange > wheelchair, get small wheeled bag and check in large one. Meds in > sufficcient demand - check. Prescription for tamiflu - getting on > Wednesday. Etc. This now takes some of the worry out of that. What is > the worst that can happen? How am I going to handle that. The best case > scenario - I will do everything I want. The worst case - I get sick and > spend the week in the hotel room - well at least it won't be in the > apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii not cold damp BC at the moment.
> Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day. When I had > the cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I did them. My > favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first. Tighten (not to the > point of pain) and then relax, over and over until I feel that I am > sinking into the bed. Then I take myself into my favorite spot. Right > now I walk along the river, watching the ducks and swans. I take a deep > breath and smell the fresh air and grasses. If I close my eyes I can hear > the wind in the grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and watch > the boats go in and out of the inlet, silently drifing by. The ripples in > the water as they go by. On and on.
> Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine. I make a scene in my > head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the sun on my > face.
> Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety. A gentle stretch of all my > joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under control.On a > day like today distraction works best. Pat and I had a huge fight on the > phone and I must admit I was having trouble breathing after and the > apartment closed in. It was scary and part of that was the "what will I > do with this damn disability and how will I live on whatever I am going to > live on and what the hell happened to make me put up with the past few > years of marriage."
> So for distraction I got out. Just left in my car not really knowing > where I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper. I purposely > smiled and said hi to everyone. Talked to everyone, got a newspaper and > then went for fish and chips - yes a forbidden food but it felt better. I > am still feeling anxious about everything but feel I can cope now.
> I think you said what I do in a sentence. For me it is practice. > Practice and routine every day. It is what gets me through most things - > practicing the breathing, practicing the distraction techniques and making > those lists. By the way the lists are filed after. Once written down and > the worst brought out I write out possible solutions then file the paper. > Sometimes when I need to I bring out the file and realize I mastered that > situation or the test wasn't as bad as I thought. Sometimes the solution > is to research ideas such as the results of tests - sometimes that is more > than I can do as it seems to scary. The important thing for me is to be > prepared but not go off on a tangent (as I am easily taken that way if you > read things further. ie: heart test - could mean blockage, could mean > heart attack, maybe surgery, what would I do if I needed surgery, how > would I cope, what kind of surgery. All that tangent for a heart test > that maybe was just investigational or routine. Easily done with > information.)
> Hope this helps Diane. Prayer isn't a big thing for me but thoughts are. > I guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers but usually they are just > warm thoughts. I like to think they work the same way.
I am so looking forward to it SJ. There will be a hula skirt for me and i intend to somehow go snorkelling. Might be only for a few minutes but that is a few minutes more than if I didn't go - right? Other than that - well mai tais under the banyon tree, swimming in the pool, watching the friday night fireworks from our hotel balcony, scooting and people watching on the scooter I rented.
Have never been to Hawaii but live through my friends and family's stories. This time I am going to actually feel the heat and swim! Renting a red convertible to do the island one day.
It is wonderful to have sister like mine. She is the one determined to pay for the trip for me. I have paid for the scooter and hope I can get all the food and booze. That might help a little. We get along well and are both readers so are taking books both of us like so we can trade part way through the trip.
Will make a difference.
Things will get better as soon as the seperation stuff is decided. We are having a cooling off period until January right now so he can get all papers together. And I can get my emotions under control. My chest is tight and I have a headache - great signs for me of too much emotions and stress. Going to go get a manicure and pedicure (as well as the dreaded bathing suit).
> sweetie, hang in there. I am praying things will get better for you.
> once again you did a wonderful job on answering these questions and giving > suggestions. don't know what we would do without you. You are always so > helpful to others.
> have a good time in Hawaii when you go. Have safe travels there and back. > Do a grass skirt dance for me. ;-)
> -- > Love and hugs to all > Love Squirrely Jo
>>I am not the best to answer this today as I have had a major anxiety >>attack this morning over all this stupid seperation stuff but I guess >>since I have it sort of under control again...well here is my routine.
>> First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel anxious >> or know that things are happening that I am losing a little sleep over. >> I am at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on those. Just deep >> breathing, expanding the abs and chest and exhaling making sure >> everything is out and usually if I am at home making a humming or >> shwooshing noise while exhaling.
>> I also make lists at this time. Worst case scenario, best case scenario. >> Make sure history is all there and look at the things that are improving. >> The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would be to make lists of what I >> have taken care of and how well prepared I am. For example - I leave in >> 14 days to go to Hawaii. Scooter - check, airport - phone to arrange >> wheelchair, get small wheeled bag and check in large one. Meds in >> sufficcient demand - check. Prescription for tamiflu - getting on >> Wednesday. Etc. This now takes some of the worry out of that. What is >> the worst that can happen? How am I going to handle that. The best case >> scenario - I will do everything I want. The worst case - I get sick and >> spend the week in the hotel room - well at least it won't be in the >> apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii not cold damp BC at the moment.
>> Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day. When I had >> the cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I did them. My >> favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first. Tighten (not to the >> point of pain) and then relax, over and over until I feel that I am >> sinking into the bed. Then I take myself into my favorite spot. Right >> now I walk along the river, watching the ducks and swans. I take a deep >> breath and smell the fresh air and grasses. If I close my eyes I can >> hear the wind in the grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and >> watch the boats go in and out of the inlet, silently drifing by. The >> ripples in the water as they go by. On and on.
>> Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine. I make a scene in my >> head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the sun on my >> face.
>> Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety. A gentle stretch of all my >> joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under control.On a >> day like today distraction works best. Pat and I had a huge fight on the >> phone and I must admit I was having trouble breathing after and the >> apartment closed in. It was scary and part of that was the "what will I >> do with this damn disability and how will I live on whatever I am going >> to live on and what the hell happened to make me put up with the past few >> years of marriage."
>> So for distraction I got out. Just left in my car not really knowing >> where I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper. I purposely >> smiled and said hi to everyone. Talked to everyone, got a newspaper and >> then went for fish and chips - yes a forbidden food but it felt better. >> I am still feeling anxious about everything but feel I can cope now.
>> I think you said what I do in a sentence. For me it is practice. >> Practice and routine every day. It is what gets me through most things - >> practicing the breathing, practicing the distraction techniques and >> making those lists. By the way the lists are filed after. Once written >> down and the worst brought out I write out possible solutions then file >> the paper. Sometimes when I need to I bring out the file and realize I >> mastered that situation or the test wasn't as bad as I thought. >> Sometimes the solution is to research ideas such as the results of >> tests - sometimes that is more than I can do as it seems to scary. The >> important thing for me is to be prepared but not go off on a tangent (as >> I am easily taken that way if you read things further. ie: heart test - >> could mean blockage, could mean heart attack, maybe surgery, what would I >> do if I needed surgery, how would I cope, what kind of surgery. All that >> tangent for a heart test that maybe was just investigational or routine. >> Easily done with information.)
>> Hope this helps Diane. Prayer isn't a big thing for me but thoughts are. >> I guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers but usually they are >> just warm thoughts. I like to think they work the same way.
> My father in law died this morning at 11:00. He was confused last week > and refused to use his walker. Fell, broke his hip and was diagnosed in > the hospital as having pneumonia. They operated anyhow as he was in so > much pain with the hip. He already had early dementia and advanced > parkinsons. He appeared to be getting a little better the last 2 days (he > had high anger and anxiety and aggression in the hospital from the > pneumonia and was very confused - didn't know where he was or why) but > slipped away quietly this morning. My husband is taking it very badly and > is on his way. In the meantime my son is sitting with his grannie. She > is 93 and is taking it very well. He was 87.
> I will be in Victoria next week so will see my mil then. Not sure if > there will be a memorial service or when. I told him I loved him last > time I saw him and basically said a quiet goodbye then since I am not in > town and Pat and I are not together anymore. Was going to see him later > this week when i was in town. Will go see my mil and give her a hug.
> Anyhow in a better place. I would hate a broken hip and early dementia at > 87. There are too many dragons to face in the world sometimes.
> Anyhow makes yesterday seem minor. I am off to town to see people and > talk to anyone. Maybe get my toes done - my feet hurt dreadfully today > and that always seems to help.
> Thanks for listening everyone. Just needed that support - truly Diane I > don't always cope with anxiety well and yesterday was a perfect example. > Today things are sort of back into perspective. Hope you are doing okay.
> Kelly > "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message > news:ReZHm.22$6c2.3@newsfe03.iad... >>I just got up and I am okay. It is sunny and I intend to get out on my >>scooter into the village to see people. Long nap needed this afternoon. >>It was a crappy day but since leaving Pat I have actually had more good >>days than bad so maybe eventually they will all be decent (or as decent as >>"normal" - lets face it life is not all cheery and whatever.
>> My chest hurts but i think it was from all the crying. Will get it >> checked if it continues. The crying was pretty hard.
>> Off to the village to see people, smile and get smiles back. That should >> help the day!
>> kelly >> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message >> news:862f6797-cf33-4f26-8ce4-048164d91d19@p28g2000vbi.googlegroups.com... >>> I'm running out the door, but just wanted to say I agree with >>> everything everybody's said! I'm reading a helpful book (which y'all >>> could have written) called "emotional freedom" (really hate the title) >>> by Judith Orloff, who has a physical, pychological, emotional and >>> spiritual approach to dealing with anxiety etc.
>>> kelly, check in today to let us know you're okay. what a rought day >>> and night you had yesterday! i've been there. it was a long time ago >>> and i remember longing for the fast forward button. i'm glad you have >>> hawaii to look forward to. >>> Gary, we need to live in the moment. I totally agree.
>I am so looking forward to it SJ. There will be a hula skirt for me and i >intend to somehow go snorkelling. Might be only for a few minutes but that >is a few minutes more than if I didn't go - right? Other than that - well >mai tais under the banyon tree, swimming in the pool, watching the friday >night fireworks from our hotel balcony, scooting and people watching on the >scooter I rented.
> Have never been to Hawaii but live through my friends and family's > stories. This time I am going to actually feel the heat and swim! Renting > a red convertible to do the island one day.
> It is wonderful to have sister like mine. She is the one determined to > pay for the trip for me. I have paid for the scooter and hope I can get > all the food and booze. That might help a little. We get along well and > are both readers so are taking books both of us like so we can trade part > way through the trip.
> Will make a difference.
> Things will get better as soon as the seperation stuff is decided. We are > having a cooling off period until January right now so he can get all > papers together. And I can get my emotions under control. My chest is > tight and I have a headache - great signs for me of too much emotions and > stress. Going to go get a manicure and pedicure (as well as the dreaded > bathing suit).
>> sweetie, hang in there. I am praying things will get better for you.
>> once again you did a wonderful job on answering these questions and >> giving suggestions. don't know what we would do without you. You are >> always so helpful to others.
>> have a good time in Hawaii when you go. Have safe travels there and back. >> Do a grass skirt dance for me. ;-)
>> -- >> Love and hugs to all >> Love Squirrely Jo
>>>I am not the best to answer this today as I have had a major anxiety >>>attack this morning over all this stupid seperation stuff but I guess >>>since I have it sort of under control again...well here is my routine.
>>> First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel anxious >>> or know that things are happening that I am losing a little sleep over. >>> I am at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on those. Just deep >>> breathing, expanding the abs and chest and exhaling making sure >>> everything is out and usually if I am at home making a humming or >>> shwooshing noise while exhaling.
>>> I also make lists at this time. Worst case scenario, best case >>> scenario. Make sure history is all there and look at the things that are >>> improving. The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would be to make lists >>> of what I have taken care of and how well prepared I am. For example - >>> I leave in 14 days to go to Hawaii. Scooter - check, airport - phone to >>> arrange wheelchair, get small wheeled bag and check in large one. Meds >>> in sufficcient demand - check. Prescription for tamiflu - getting on >>> Wednesday. Etc. This now takes some of the worry out of that. What is >>> the worst that can happen? How am I going to handle that. The best >>> case scenario - I will do everything I want. The worst case - I get >>> sick and spend the week in the hotel room - well at least it won't be in >>> the apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii not cold damp BC at the >>> moment.
>>> Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day. When I had >>> the cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I did them. >>> My favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first. Tighten (not to >>> the point of pain) and then relax, over and over until I feel that I am >>> sinking into the bed. Then I take myself into my favorite spot. Right >>> now I walk along the river, watching the ducks and swans. I take a deep >>> breath and smell the fresh air and grasses. If I close my eyes I can >>> hear the wind in the grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and >>> watch the boats go in and out of the inlet, silently drifing by. The >>> ripples in the water as they go by. On and on.
>>> Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine. I make a scene in my >>> head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the sun on my >>> face.
>>> Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety. A gentle stretch of all my >>> joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under control.On a >>> day like today distraction works best. Pat and I had a huge fight on >>> the phone and I must admit I was having trouble breathing after and the >>> apartment closed in. It was scary and part of that was the "what will I >>> do with this damn disability and how will I live on whatever I am going >>> to live on and what the hell happened to make me put up with the past >>> few years of marriage."
>>> So for distraction I got out. Just left in my car not really knowing >>> where I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper. I purposely >>> smiled and said hi to everyone. Talked to everyone, got a newspaper and >>> then went for fish and chips - yes a forbidden food but it felt better. >>> I am still feeling anxious about everything but feel I can cope now.
>>> I think you said what I do in a sentence. For me it is practice. >>> Practice and routine every day. It is what gets me through most >>> things - practicing the breathing, practicing the distraction techniques >>> and making those lists. By the way the lists are filed after. Once >>> written down and the worst brought out I write out possible solutions >>> then file the paper. Sometimes when I need to I bring out the file and >>> realize I mastered that situation or the test wasn't as bad as I >>> thought. Sometimes the solution is to research ideas such as the results >>> of tests - sometimes that is more than I can do as it seems to scary. >>> The important thing for me is to be prepared but not go off on a tangent >>> (as I am easily taken that way if you read things further. ie: heart >>> test - could mean blockage, could mean heart attack, maybe surgery, what >>> would I do if I needed surgery, how would I cope, what kind of surgery. >>> All that tangent for a heart test that maybe was just investigational or >>> routine. Easily done with information.)
>>> Hope this helps Diane. Prayer isn't a big thing for me but thoughts >>> are. I guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers but usually they >>> are just warm thoughts. I like to think they work the same way.
>I am so looking forward to it SJ. There will be a hula skirt for >me and i intend to somehow go snorkelling. Might be only for a few >minutes but that is a few minutes more than if I didn't go - right? >Other than that - well mai tais under the banyon tree, swimming in >the pool, watching the friday night fireworks from our hotel >balcony, scooting and people watching on the scooter I rented.
> Have never been to Hawaii but live through my friends and family's > stories. This time I am going to actually feel the heat and swim! > Renting a red convertible to do the island one day.
That brings back a sweet memory. I took my younger daughter to Hawaii when she was about 14. Just about the time the VW Cabriolet came out. She so wanted to get one of those, a convertible some day. I rented one for the day and we did Oahu. We had a blast. One of my favorite pictures is of her with the car in front of the Lions Head Inn.
She did learn that while a convertible can be a whole lot of fun, it isn't terribly practical for real life.
BTW, do not fill up on fresh from the fields pineapple juice the day of your flight back to the mainland.
> My father in law died this morning at 11:00. He was confused last week > and refused to use his walker. Fell, broke his hip and was diagnosed in > the hospital as having pneumonia. They operated anyhow as he was in so > much pain with the hip. He already had early dementia and advanced > parkinsons. He appeared to be getting a little better the last 2 days (he > had high anger and anxiety and aggression in the hospital from the > pneumonia and was very confused - didn't know where he was or why) but > slipped away quietly this morning. My husband is taking it very badly and > is on his way. In the meantime my son is sitting with his grannie. She > is 93 and is taking it very well. He was 87.
> I will be in Victoria next week so will see my mil then. Not sure if > there will be a memorial service or when. I told him I loved him last > time I saw him and basically said a quiet goodbye then since I am not in > town and Pat and I are not together anymore. Was going to see him later > this week when i was in town. Will go see my mil and give her a hug.
> Anyhow in a better place. I would hate a broken hip and early dementia at > 87. There are too many dragons to face in the world sometimes.
> Anyhow makes yesterday seem minor. I am off to town to see people and > talk to anyone. Maybe get my toes done - my feet hurt dreadfully today > and that always seems to help.
> Thanks for listening everyone. Just needed that support - truly Diane I > don't always cope with anxiety well and yesterday was a perfect example. > Today things are sort of back into perspective. Hope you are doing okay.
> Kelly > "Kelly" <kelly...@shaw.ca> wrote in message > news:ReZHm.22$6c2.3@newsfe03.iad... >>I just got up and I am okay. It is sunny and I intend to get out on my >>scooter into the village to see people. Long nap needed this afternoon. >>It was a crappy day but since leaving Pat I have actually had more good >>days than bad so maybe eventually they will all be decent (or as decent as >>"normal" - lets face it life is not all cheery and whatever.
>> My chest hurts but i think it was from all the crying. Will get it >> checked if it continues. The crying was pretty hard.
>> Off to the village to see people, smile and get smiles back. That should >> help the day!
>> kelly >> "Diane" <dc...@aol.com> wrote in message >> news:862f6797-cf33-4f26-8ce4-048164d91d19@p28g2000vbi.googlegroups.com... >>> I'm running out the door, but just wanted to say I agree with >>> everything everybody's said! I'm reading a helpful book (which y'all >>> could have written) called "emotional freedom" (really hate the title) >>> by Judith Orloff, who has a physical, pychological, emotional and >>> spiritual approach to dealing with anxiety etc.
>>> kelly, check in today to let us know you're okay. what a rought day >>> and night you had yesterday! i've been there. it was a long time ago >>> and i remember longing for the fast forward button. i'm glad you have >>> hawaii to look forward to. >>> Gary, we need to live in the moment. I totally agree.
|
