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Mon. 7/30 Big Show Synopsis
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From: Brady <watercl...@earthlink.netnospam>
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Subject: Mon. 7/30 Big Show Synopsis
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Date: Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:23:08 GMT
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Hey, how's it goin'? Did you *have* an unusual and/or exciting weekend?
I did a couple of crossword puzzles. I also ate at a Waffle House. And
remember, you all: I'm *single*! Here we go ...
*COLD OPEN*
We see Dave and Jude standing around backstage. Dave appears to be
working on a word puzzle of some sort. "Patty," Dave inquires. "I need
to know a nine-letter word that begins with the number three." 'Patty':
"That's a sudoku puzzle, you moron." Dave nods.
*DESK CHAT HIGHLIGHTS*
Dave has an electronic aural thermometer. He attempts to check his
temperature. The readout is blank. Oh, no! Dave says he doesn't really
know how to operate this thermometer. Barbara and Paul offer some
advice. Dave thinks he has it. What's the readout? 97.9. Dave: "That's
*The River*." Dave explains that he was 'pouring his heart out' to the
audience before the show. Dave: "I'm the only person, I believe, in
North America -- and I called the Center(s) for Disease Control in
Atlanta -- [who] gets a cold in July." Al Chez had one as well? Well,
Dave says you wake up feeling like you 'have a mountaineering
expedition' in your throat. He says you're just not supposed to get a
sore throat in July. After introducing tonight's guests, Dave says it
"feels like kids are running wind sprints with soccer cleats. In my
throat!"
Next, Dave spends some time reminiscing about Tom Snyder. Tom passed
away Sunday at age 71. Dave says Tom's old NBC show was 'just
tremendous.' Back then, of course, people didn't have a thousand TV
channels. There were just a handful of channels on the air, maybe four
or five at the most. Dave says of Tom's show: "Gosh, was that
entertaining. Do you remember how great that show was?" Paul says he
does indeed remember. Dave says the nice thing about Tom was: it didn't
matter who the guests were, the program was 'all about Tom.' You were
fascinated by him. Dave says Tom was great; he was compelling. Dave:
"Even when he was being a goofball, he was compelling." Dave says he
remembers one show in which Tom was showing off a cane that someone had
given him. It was a novelty cane made out of a bull phallus. It's the
kind of gag gift you'd mail your uncle. Anyway, one night Tom was
interviewing someone and you could hear some kind of commotion
off-camera. Tom looked off-stage, giving someone a look. It ended up
happening three times, and Tom ended throwing the cane at whomever was
causing the ruckus, telling them to keep quiet. "Pretty entertaining,"
Dave says. That was the 'Tomorrow Show,' on NBC. Tom hosted the 'Late
Late Show' on CBS from 1995-1998. Dave says Tom was what television is
all about. He says Tom was the best. Whatever was going on, Tom would be
entertaining. Dave: "So, I'm very sorry that our old friend passed away
on Sunday. Tom Snyder, ladies and gentlemen." We see a picture of Tom.
As was not uncommon in those days, he was smoking a cigarette on the set.
Guess what: it's 'trick-shot bowling night.' There are three
professional bowlers out on 53rd Street. They've set up a lane out
there. They'll be doing unbelievable tricks. Dave wonders why there's
traffic out there. He says it's a hazard; it's sending the wrong message
to the youth. Later, Dave is handed a note: it was cheaper to close only
one lane.
Vice President Dick Cheney was discharged from the hospital after having
his heart tweaked this weekend. Dave has some friends -- the 'guys who
did his heart' -- who showed him what they actually put inside Cheney.
It's state-of-the-art. It's an *iHeart*. Wow. Dave presses a button. We
hear a little "Footloose." Dave tosses the iHeart behind his desk. We
hear a little "Old Turkey Buzzard." Do we have to hear all 13 seconds?
Dave doesn't want to hear all 13 seconds anymore.
After taking a look at a clip from The Discovery Channel's all-new
'Shark Week' -- this year's 'Shark Week' seems to be a bit more graphic
than usual -- Alan interjects. He has a request. Can he tell a joke?
Just one joke? Dave says sure, go ahead! Alan: "The other day, NASA
revealed that on two different occasions, an astronaut had been drinking
before their mission. Well, that's not all! Today they announced that
they hired a *new* astronaut: Lindsay Lohan! <<Alan holds up an image of
Lindsay Lohan in an astronaut suit; rim shot; Alan laughs; laughter>>
Hey, Letterman! Eat *that*, you old bag! I'm just as funny as you are!"
<<laughter>> Alan gets up; he walks off, raising arms and pumping his
fists in triumph. He's outta here.
We take a look at an installment of 'Great Moments in Presidential
Speeches.' (Bush: "A lot of the ... Uh ... A lot of the, uh ... Umm ...")
Dave says he 'found the button' on the thermometer. He says this will
determine whether he continues with tonight's show. Dave sticks it in
his ear. Anton provides a drum roll. The thermometer begins repeatedly
beeping. Dave say he's hearing someone's voicemail. How long is it
supposed to beep? Barbara thinks the beeping means it's done. Dave
thought that it would *stop* beeping when it's done. Barbara thinks it's
the other way around. What? Dave says he can't hear her; he's got a
thing in his ear! Barbara thinks it may be done. Dave takes the
thermometer out of his ear and he studies the LCD. Dave, after studying
it for a moment: "Look at this. This is pitiful. What don't I understand
about modern medicine?" The LCD just has a little blinking icon; it
doesn't have a temperature. Dave wonders what he has to do to get it to
work. He says they'll figure it out and be right back.
*MORE STUFF*
After the break, Dave says, "I forgot about this." Before the show, "A
woman named Marge says to me, 'Do you ever think about dressing more
casually on the Show?' And Marge and her husband are both dressed in
these orange jumpsuits." <<shot of Marge and her husband; laughter>>
Dave says he thought to himself, 'Don't make [that] mistake.' He says he
thought if he said yes, they'd want to sell him an orange jumpsuit.
Dave has a new thermometer. He says if it's really bad, he's leaving.
Dave sticks the thermometer in his ear and it beeps. He removes it.
Studying the readout, Dave says, "Ooh, I gotta stay." He shows us the
readout: 98.4 degrees. Later, Dave shows us a new readout. It says 104.3
degrees. Dave says he's hallucinating. Dave: "I thought we had guys out
there bowling on 53rd Street."
We see a couple of the bowlers do their thing. Later, a third bowler
attempts a trick. The tricks were pretty good. The first guy nailed his.
There were also a couple of near misses. The third guy actually busted
the lane during a commercial break. There's a hole in the lane where the
ball landed. That guy seemed to have a bit of an attitude. (He blamed
'one of your fans' for busting it. He also didn't want to play along
when Dave asked him to ask a woman about her orange clothing.) For the
tricks that were near misses, we took a look at the tape from rehearsal.
*ANDY SAMBERG*
What is it with this glut of "Napoleon Dynamite"-type movies? This one
is "Hot Rod." It opens Friday.
*CATHERINE BELL*
She was a pretty good guest. The show is Lifetime's "Army Wives."
*THE BRAVERY*
Helen may have lasted up until when the guy began singing. Which I
believe was around 20 seconds or so into the performance. More likely,
though, she didn't make it that far. The album is "The Sun and the Moon."
*MISCELLANEOUS MEANDERING*
So why did Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney decline an
invitation to participate in the CNN*YouTube debate? Romney says it
could be 'demeaning' to "answer questions from a snowman." But that's
not it. Romney campaign spokesperson Kevin Madden said it's "not a
question of format, it's a question of our travel schedule." Still,
according to Madden, "A lot of Americans would wonder whether we should
be answering questions from a cartoon." (Source: "The New York Times,"
July 28, 2007.) The Giuliani campaign also cited 'scheduling conflicts'
when they turned down an invitation to participate.
Well, as one blogger put it: CNN has called their bluff. They've
postponed the debate. They say they'll work with the campaigns to
accommodate their respective schedules. Now the question is: Will the
Romney and Giuliani campaigns work with CNN on a new date for the
debate? I really think avoiding it would be a mistake for the Republican
candidates. I think *mocking* the format is even more of a mistake. (The
only Republican candidates who had committed to attend the CNN*YouTube
debate on its original date of September 17 was John McCain and Ron Paul.)
If Mitt Romney *does* decide to attend the debate, I hope his campaign
brushes him up on what YouTube actually *is*. (Romney, last Thursday,
July 26, in Story City, IA: "YouTube is a Web site that allows kids to
network with one another and make friends and contact each other.
YouTube looked to see if they had any convicted sex offenders on their
Web site. They had 29,000." [Source: "Chicago Tribune," July 27, 2007.])
That's all I got. Have a good Tuesday, people.
Later ...
Brady
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