The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen
Elizabeth II
Message from Her Majesty the Queen.
• Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it
is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a
Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to
God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an
attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a
King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal
Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
• We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And
technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even
seen a picture of your queen.
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
• Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get
when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit
wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile.
It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we
will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck
with your nit wits.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which
she
does not fancy).
• "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I
forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just
won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that
she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering
women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do
something.
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you
noticed.
• Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The
People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy
so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are
happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the
congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
• So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You
gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
• You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know
when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back.
LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let
alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only
freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How
about you?
1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will
be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
• noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"
2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour",
"favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be
replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").
OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to
be associated with the French?
3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let
M*crosoft
know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to
take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.
• You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And
using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people.
For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that
implies, "You know".
• See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a
simple statement.
4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
• What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it,
unless you can take it. LOL
5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be
used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
• Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They
call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead
take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your
butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill
every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might
actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer
in the woods in your country?
6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required
if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
• A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow
potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler.
Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so
beneath you. Just keep buying our food.
7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense
of humour.
• Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you
lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your
kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
• And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must
smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"
8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
• Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation"
thing. You should look into it.
9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato
chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat,
and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
• For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have
learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was
vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning
how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to
come from France.
10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred
to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound
for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to
the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did
for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so
that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
• Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it,
Germany will have to do it.
11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears
removed
with a cheese grater.
• Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing
entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel,
and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to
watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India,
Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you
just make Documentaries.
12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will,
in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to
American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try
rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly
thrash us.
• You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go
nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and
maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The
excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are
done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a
bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for
a
